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Boneditch by Ian Bird

serial fantasist & novelist @MrCarapace

1
Followers
29
Plays
Boneditch by Ian Bird
Boneditch by Ian Bird

Boneditch by Ian Bird

serial fantasist & novelist @MrCarapace

1
Followers
29
Plays
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About Us

"Unlikely things happening to implausible people, usually in the nick of time..." These are the kinds of stories I write and then read out loud here - thanks for listening...

Latest Episodes

Intermission 05. Remembering Crazy Jane

Ewww.mrcarapace.wordpress.com this week's diversion is a tete a tete with Crazy Jane, an old folk witch who we can find in a Van Morrison song, a Grant Morrison comic, in poems by W B Yeats and Amiri Baraka, in Nick Cave and Skip James murder ballads and even in modern TV series like the brilliant Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (it's a little more nuanced that that...) Crazy Jane is the subject of a portrait by a Victorian murderer locked away in a lunatic asylum for most of his life, and is a victim and a confidence trickster both, a temptress and a madwoman - Ophelia underwater and Hamlet with his sword. She's weird and strange and she's everywhere, so you've probably already met her... Hello, Jane... www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com

11 MIN2018 AUG 5
Comments
Intermission 05. Remembering Crazy Jane

Boneditch 20. A Disaster Waiting To Happen

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com A car crash that creates a saint. An abused child who becomes the quintessence of distrust. A playground that runs the world. The world's largest organism. The secret truth of bone disease. The witch who became a saint. The town where only psychopaths are allowed to buy homes. The literary festival at the end of the world... For twenty years Eliot Rent has been travelling the world, collecting stories about the little accidents and disastrous catastrophes that have shaped the world, divining at the epicentre a crazed apocalyptic witch. This is the story when she finally recognises that face at ground zero, and this is the point when the competition steals ahead and gives this battered world just one more push. www.boneditch.wordpress.com

73 MIN2018 JUL 23
Comments
Boneditch 20. A Disaster Waiting To Happen

Music By Mr Smith - A Colourful Conundrum

Emusic by Ed Smith - https://soundcloud.com/ed-smith words by Ian Bird - www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com "Look over there, she said to me, passing me my drink, taking my money. I think they’re going to kill each other. "I looked where she was pointing, out in the car park, but it was too dark already – I could only see the shapes, likes bones underwater, could only hear the screams, and the punches, and the sounds of beating wings..." Thanks for this opportunity, Ed...

2 MIN2018 JUL 17
Comments
Music By Mr Smith - A Colourful Conundrum

Intermission 04. From Grendel To Gotham: If You're So Smart Why Aren't You Batman?

Ewww.mrcarapace.wordpress.com i should be writing a horror story, but instead here are twenty minutes of words about Grendel, the demon of society's mediocrity, and how he inspires Batman, who needs a great movie right now... www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com

24 MIN2018 JUL 1
Comments
Intermission 04. From Grendel To Gotham: If You're So Smart Why Aren't You Batman?

Intermission 03. Ringing The Devil's Belle - In Praise Of The Devils And Belle De Jour

Ewww.mrcarapace.wordpress.com This time I’m sidestepping slightly to talk about two films I really enjoy, which I wrote about some time ago on my other website, www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com, and which I just stumbled over again – Ken Russell’s 1971 masterpiece with Oliver Reed, The Devils, and Luis Bunuel’s 1967 work of art Belle de Jour, starring Catherine Deneuve. I think both films do an incredible job of describing a strange and rebellious, erotic and devastating heart, and they’re both deeply affecting and amazing fun… www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com

6 MIN2018 JUN 23
Comments
Intermission 03. Ringing The Devil's Belle - In Praise Of The Devils And Belle De Jour

Boneditch 19. Saints Are Sinners Who Kept On Going

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com It's the start of the ends of the world. The madman has written a book about why everything always goes wrong, and it's going to change everything for the worse/better... Tonight’s story is the nineteenth, and also the first part of the third and final act of the story. Act I was the story of Eliot Rent and her friends and how they all fell into disaster together and then again separately, and Act II was a collection of weird tales uncovered by Eliot about the Boneditch – vengeful ghosts, recruitment agencies in Hell, weird circuses, werehouses, love songs and Murder She Wrote. But Act III is the story of what happens next, at the two ends of the world. We’re returning to Governor Spinacre, the punchline to the serial killer story Haine Reaction, to the California Ladies from A Bum In The Coven, and the fearsome Sisters Under The Skin, Bonnie, Margaret and Jessica return from Chapter Six. But this story is mainly about the life and times of Michael Bre...

56 MIN2018 JUN 11
Comments
Boneditch 19. Saints Are Sinners Who Kept On Going

Boneditch 18. It Brings On Many Changes

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com The war ended, so Margaret had no choice but to come home... She's been away for at least a decade, living a life of danger and significance, but now she's on her way home and these days she might just be another divorcee, another orphan. Summoned by her stepmother, Margaret steps into a world that means nothing to her, the world created by her family and the skeletons in their closet. Margaret has a skeleton of her own. www.boneditch.wordpress.com

34 MIN2018 MAY 19
Comments
Boneditch 18. It Brings On Many Changes

Intermission 02. From My Cousin Rachel To The Screwfly Solution

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com While I finish writing the next story, here are some words that came out of the panic attack I experienced reading Daphne du Maurier's wonderful novel My Cousin Rachel, and how they both reminded me of the amazing Alice Bradley Sheldon, who wrote one of the scariest short stories ever... For more excitable words about stuff I love to read please visit my other website at www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com - I'll have the next Boneditch story finished soon... Thanks for listening... www.boneditch.wordpress.com

16 MIN2018 MAY 11
Comments
Intermission 02. From My Cousin Rachel To The Screwfly Solution

Boneditch 17. Thunder Is Good Thunder Is Impressive... But It Is Lightning That Does The Work

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com Another short story from the Boneditch collection... "Have you ever been struck by lightning?" "No." "I Have." "What happened?" "I struck it back." His heart has been broken, and he doesn't think that's right. So then he meets God, the way people used to meet God, and suddenly he's inspired. Now he knows how to connect with the people he loves. Don't look shocked: of course love is a thunderbolt. (c) Ian Bird www.boneditch.wordpress.com

26 MIN2018 APR 11
Comments
Boneditch 17. Thunder Is Good Thunder Is Impressive... But It Is Lightning That Does The Work

Boneditch 16. The Body In The Library

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com (c) Ian Bird 2018 Jessica is thirteen and all but lives in the local library. It's 1938 and the library is her only sanctuary from the responsibilities that are waiting for her around the next corner like she owes them money. But late one night she hears a scream from somewhere in her beloved library and now there are rumours that a killer has stashed their victim somewhere among the stacks... A smart girl would go and find a policeman, and then grow up to be a responsible young woman who everyone thinks very highly of... but a ferocious and fierce and utterly brilliant girl would scowl into the shadows and breathe in that fetid air of mystery and murder and put things right. There's a body in the library... www.boneditch.wordpress.com

39 MIN2018 MAR 27
Comments
Boneditch 16. The Body In The Library

Latest Episodes

Intermission 05. Remembering Crazy Jane

Ewww.mrcarapace.wordpress.com this week's diversion is a tete a tete with Crazy Jane, an old folk witch who we can find in a Van Morrison song, a Grant Morrison comic, in poems by W B Yeats and Amiri Baraka, in Nick Cave and Skip James murder ballads and even in modern TV series like the brilliant Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (it's a little more nuanced that that...) Crazy Jane is the subject of a portrait by a Victorian murderer locked away in a lunatic asylum for most of his life, and is a victim and a confidence trickster both, a temptress and a madwoman - Ophelia underwater and Hamlet with his sword. She's weird and strange and she's everywhere, so you've probably already met her... Hello, Jane... www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com

11 MIN2018 AUG 5
Comments
Intermission 05. Remembering Crazy Jane

Boneditch 20. A Disaster Waiting To Happen

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com A car crash that creates a saint. An abused child who becomes the quintessence of distrust. A playground that runs the world. The world's largest organism. The secret truth of bone disease. The witch who became a saint. The town where only psychopaths are allowed to buy homes. The literary festival at the end of the world... For twenty years Eliot Rent has been travelling the world, collecting stories about the little accidents and disastrous catastrophes that have shaped the world, divining at the epicentre a crazed apocalyptic witch. This is the story when she finally recognises that face at ground zero, and this is the point when the competition steals ahead and gives this battered world just one more push. www.boneditch.wordpress.com

73 MIN2018 JUL 23
Comments
Boneditch 20. A Disaster Waiting To Happen

Music By Mr Smith - A Colourful Conundrum

Emusic by Ed Smith - https://soundcloud.com/ed-smith words by Ian Bird - www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com "Look over there, she said to me, passing me my drink, taking my money. I think they’re going to kill each other. "I looked where she was pointing, out in the car park, but it was too dark already – I could only see the shapes, likes bones underwater, could only hear the screams, and the punches, and the sounds of beating wings..." Thanks for this opportunity, Ed...

2 MIN2018 JUL 17
Comments
Music By Mr Smith - A Colourful Conundrum

Intermission 04. From Grendel To Gotham: If You're So Smart Why Aren't You Batman?

Ewww.mrcarapace.wordpress.com i should be writing a horror story, but instead here are twenty minutes of words about Grendel, the demon of society's mediocrity, and how he inspires Batman, who needs a great movie right now... www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com

24 MIN2018 JUL 1
Comments
Intermission 04. From Grendel To Gotham: If You're So Smart Why Aren't You Batman?

Intermission 03. Ringing The Devil's Belle - In Praise Of The Devils And Belle De Jour

Ewww.mrcarapace.wordpress.com This time I’m sidestepping slightly to talk about two films I really enjoy, which I wrote about some time ago on my other website, www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com, and which I just stumbled over again – Ken Russell’s 1971 masterpiece with Oliver Reed, The Devils, and Luis Bunuel’s 1967 work of art Belle de Jour, starring Catherine Deneuve. I think both films do an incredible job of describing a strange and rebellious, erotic and devastating heart, and they’re both deeply affecting and amazing fun… www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com

6 MIN2018 JUN 23
Comments
Intermission 03. Ringing The Devil's Belle - In Praise Of The Devils And Belle De Jour

Boneditch 19. Saints Are Sinners Who Kept On Going

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com It's the start of the ends of the world. The madman has written a book about why everything always goes wrong, and it's going to change everything for the worse/better... Tonight’s story is the nineteenth, and also the first part of the third and final act of the story. Act I was the story of Eliot Rent and her friends and how they all fell into disaster together and then again separately, and Act II was a collection of weird tales uncovered by Eliot about the Boneditch – vengeful ghosts, recruitment agencies in Hell, weird circuses, werehouses, love songs and Murder She Wrote. But Act III is the story of what happens next, at the two ends of the world. We’re returning to Governor Spinacre, the punchline to the serial killer story Haine Reaction, to the California Ladies from A Bum In The Coven, and the fearsome Sisters Under The Skin, Bonnie, Margaret and Jessica return from Chapter Six. But this story is mainly about the life and times of Michael Bre...

56 MIN2018 JUN 11
Comments
Boneditch 19. Saints Are Sinners Who Kept On Going

Boneditch 18. It Brings On Many Changes

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com The war ended, so Margaret had no choice but to come home... She's been away for at least a decade, living a life of danger and significance, but now she's on her way home and these days she might just be another divorcee, another orphan. Summoned by her stepmother, Margaret steps into a world that means nothing to her, the world created by her family and the skeletons in their closet. Margaret has a skeleton of her own. www.boneditch.wordpress.com

34 MIN2018 MAY 19
Comments
Boneditch 18. It Brings On Many Changes

Intermission 02. From My Cousin Rachel To The Screwfly Solution

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com While I finish writing the next story, here are some words that came out of the panic attack I experienced reading Daphne du Maurier's wonderful novel My Cousin Rachel, and how they both reminded me of the amazing Alice Bradley Sheldon, who wrote one of the scariest short stories ever... For more excitable words about stuff I love to read please visit my other website at www.mrcarapace.wordpress.com - I'll have the next Boneditch story finished soon... Thanks for listening... www.boneditch.wordpress.com

16 MIN2018 MAY 11
Comments
Intermission 02. From My Cousin Rachel To The Screwfly Solution

Boneditch 17. Thunder Is Good Thunder Is Impressive... But It Is Lightning That Does The Work

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com Another short story from the Boneditch collection... "Have you ever been struck by lightning?" "No." "I Have." "What happened?" "I struck it back." His heart has been broken, and he doesn't think that's right. So then he meets God, the way people used to meet God, and suddenly he's inspired. Now he knows how to connect with the people he loves. Don't look shocked: of course love is a thunderbolt. (c) Ian Bird www.boneditch.wordpress.com

26 MIN2018 APR 11
Comments
Boneditch 17. Thunder Is Good Thunder Is Impressive... But It Is Lightning That Does The Work

Boneditch 16. The Body In The Library

Ewww.boneditch.wordpress.com (c) Ian Bird 2018 Jessica is thirteen and all but lives in the local library. It's 1938 and the library is her only sanctuary from the responsibilities that are waiting for her around the next corner like she owes them money. But late one night she hears a scream from somewhere in her beloved library and now there are rumours that a killer has stashed their victim somewhere among the stacks... A smart girl would go and find a policeman, and then grow up to be a responsible young woman who everyone thinks very highly of... but a ferocious and fierce and utterly brilliant girl would scowl into the shadows and breathe in that fetid air of mystery and murder and put things right. There's a body in the library... www.boneditch.wordpress.com

39 MIN2018 MAR 27
Comments
Boneditch 16. The Body In The Library
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