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Q Marriage Mentors

Jeff Lutes

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Q Marriage Mentors
Q Marriage Mentors

Q Marriage Mentors

Jeff Lutes

1
Followers
0
Plays
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About Us

Psychotherapist Jeff Lutes holds candid conversations with remarkable lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender couples about what makes great relationships really work. Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

Latest Episodes

#33: GARY & RICHARD

"ALMOST STONEWALL, ALMOST WOODSTOCK, ABSOLUTE LOVE" - For nearly 36 years, Gary Cooper and Richard Hartgrove have loved one another, faced multiple challenges, and given unselfishly to the LGBTQ community in many ways. They first met when Gary lived in Honolulu and Richard was in New York. For about 4 years their connection was primarily sexual, but that all changed one night when they went to a party in Austin. In this episode, they talk about HIV, cancer, previous relationships, guilt, forgiveness, massage, music, and the surprising way their intimacy improved after sex stopped. Listen closely to the emotion in their voices; the love is palpable. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

36 MINJUN 19
Comments
#33: GARY & RICHARD

#32: KELLY & SARAH

"LONGEVITY AND A KING-SIZE ELECTRIC BLANKET" - In this episode, Kelly and Sarah Ross talk about their 17 relationship and how they persevered despite the death of Kelly’s mom, the rejection when Sarah came out to her parents, and the challenges of supporting each other in very different career paths. The secret to their longevity seems to be rooted in the tremendous amount of respect they have for one another, tons of fun on their boat, and unwavering support to each other when life throws them a curve ball. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

34 MINMAY 31
Comments
#32: KELLY & SARAH

#31: DENICE & MARY

"NOTHING SAYS LESBIAN LOVE LIKE A PEZ DISPENSER" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Denice Bain and Mary Priddy from Bastrop County, Texas. Denice and Mary have been together 16 years, after a colleague at Dell played matchmaker. Don't miss the heartwarming story about their 3rd date, and how they ended up putting a homeless man in a hotel for 3 nights and giving him money for food. This was the moment they knew their values were in alignment, and they've been caring for animals and the elderly ever since. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

33 MINMAY 9
Comments
#31: DENICE & MARY

#30: TERRY REAL

"CHALLENGING GRANDIOSITY AND PATRIARCHY IN COUPLES & COUPLES THERAPY" - Today Jeff takes a break from the usual format of interviewing couples to welcome a very special guest. Terry Real is the founder of the Relational Life Institute in Arlington, Massachusetts. He is a nationally recognized family therapist, teacher, and author and he will be the keynote speaker at the 6th Annual Contemporary Relationships Conference on May 4th in Austin, Texas. In this conversation, Terry talks about the importance of addressing grandiosity, as well as shame, in intimate love relationships. He discusses trauma and the three parts of the self - the wounded child, the adaptive child, and the functional adult - that operate within all relationships. You'll love this teaser, but to hear more from Terry, get tickets to the conference at www.contemporaryrelationships.com. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

31 MINAPR 9
Comments
#30: TERRY REAL

#29: TONY & ROSS

"SOMETIMES COMMITMENT TRANSCENDS THE SELF" - Tony Shelton and Ross Smith from Houston, Texas, have been together 28 years. Have you ever heard of someone meeting their husband at the very first party after they come out? That's what happened to Ross! In this episode, Tony and Ross talk about how they met and what they've learned over the years about happiness and relationship longevity. They highlight the importance of staying calm during conflict, finding common interests, staying active, and creating a life with focus and purpose. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

28 MINAPR 1
Comments
#29: TONY & ROSS

#28: KAREN & JENA

"FROM UNREQUITED CRUSHES TO THE GIRL SCOUTS" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Jena Recer and Karen Phemister. Karen is a water quality scientist for the City of Austin and Jena is soap maker and a pet sitter. In fact, they were pet sitting when we spoke and you'll hear "Lil Bit", a teacup Chihuahua/Terrier mix in the background. Karen & Jena talk about being roommates at Texas State University, engaging in social activism instead of going to class, and meeting again 8 years later through a chance encounter. Jena and Karen have been leaders in the Girl Scouts for many years and they share the value of giving back to their community. Enjoy! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

27 MINMAR 20
Comments
#28: KAREN & JENA

#27: ANN & IRIS

"YODEL AND THEN DISMANTLE CLASSISM” - Ann Benson and Iris Harrell from Santa Rosa, California, met 40 years ago when Iris heard Ann sing and yodel at an all lesbian coffee house sponsored by the National Organization of Women. In this episode, they talk about coming out and getting together in the midst of the women's movement and how a 3-day workshop on dismantling classism has helped their relationship immensely over the years. They share how their emphasis on long-term orientation and commitment has helped them grow both individually and as a couple. Four decades is a long time and these two beautiful women have much to teach all of us. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

31 MINMAR 11
Comments
#27: ANN & IRIS

#26: JEFF LUTES

"EMPATHY, STRESS, AND POSITIVE ILLUSIONS" - Today Jeff shares some thoughts based on the work of Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist who ran people through a brain scanner and discovered three parts of the brain that get activated among those in happy long-term relationships. Jeff mixes a bit of neuroscience with personal stories and practical exercises to help listeners think about specific actions they can take immediately to begin improving their connections with others. Warning: It involves Knights and Swords! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

16 MINMAR 5
Comments
#26: JEFF LUTES

#25: PAIGE & KATY

"ACADEMIC MEETS VIKING IN GROUP THERAPY" - Prior to coming out, Paige Schilt thought her interest in gender and sexual minorities was purely intellectual and academic. Katy Koonce, on the other hand, became quickly self-aware when a friend took her to a topless lesbian football game! Years later, they met in a psychotherapy group and fell in love after leaving the group. In this episode, they talk about how personal growth and couples therapy helped them communicate, manage conflict, and parent their teenage son. They've been together 18 years and have lots of wisdom to share with our listeners. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

29 MINFEB 20
Comments
#25: PAIGE & KATY

#24: DAVID & DANA

"I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU" - David Ferguson and Dana Hall met in church 18 years ago and went to dinner one stormy night after a congregant played matchmaker. They married in Iowa, and over the years learned the importance of saying "I love you" often - in person, on the phone, and by text. These two gentle souls have given so much of themselves to others, cared for dying loved ones, and grown closer through those experiences. In this episode, they inspire listeners to open themselves to love and not give up too easily. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

30 MINFEB 12
Comments
#24: DAVID & DANA

Latest Episodes

#33: GARY & RICHARD

"ALMOST STONEWALL, ALMOST WOODSTOCK, ABSOLUTE LOVE" - For nearly 36 years, Gary Cooper and Richard Hartgrove have loved one another, faced multiple challenges, and given unselfishly to the LGBTQ community in many ways. They first met when Gary lived in Honolulu and Richard was in New York. For about 4 years their connection was primarily sexual, but that all changed one night when they went to a party in Austin. In this episode, they talk about HIV, cancer, previous relationships, guilt, forgiveness, massage, music, and the surprising way their intimacy improved after sex stopped. Listen closely to the emotion in their voices; the love is palpable. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

36 MINJUN 19
Comments
#33: GARY & RICHARD

#32: KELLY & SARAH

"LONGEVITY AND A KING-SIZE ELECTRIC BLANKET" - In this episode, Kelly and Sarah Ross talk about their 17 relationship and how they persevered despite the death of Kelly’s mom, the rejection when Sarah came out to her parents, and the challenges of supporting each other in very different career paths. The secret to their longevity seems to be rooted in the tremendous amount of respect they have for one another, tons of fun on their boat, and unwavering support to each other when life throws them a curve ball. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

34 MINMAY 31
Comments
#32: KELLY & SARAH

#31: DENICE & MARY

"NOTHING SAYS LESBIAN LOVE LIKE A PEZ DISPENSER" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Denice Bain and Mary Priddy from Bastrop County, Texas. Denice and Mary have been together 16 years, after a colleague at Dell played matchmaker. Don't miss the heartwarming story about their 3rd date, and how they ended up putting a homeless man in a hotel for 3 nights and giving him money for food. This was the moment they knew their values were in alignment, and they've been caring for animals and the elderly ever since. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

33 MINMAY 9
Comments
#31: DENICE & MARY

#30: TERRY REAL

"CHALLENGING GRANDIOSITY AND PATRIARCHY IN COUPLES & COUPLES THERAPY" - Today Jeff takes a break from the usual format of interviewing couples to welcome a very special guest. Terry Real is the founder of the Relational Life Institute in Arlington, Massachusetts. He is a nationally recognized family therapist, teacher, and author and he will be the keynote speaker at the 6th Annual Contemporary Relationships Conference on May 4th in Austin, Texas. In this conversation, Terry talks about the importance of addressing grandiosity, as well as shame, in intimate love relationships. He discusses trauma and the three parts of the self - the wounded child, the adaptive child, and the functional adult - that operate within all relationships. You'll love this teaser, but to hear more from Terry, get tickets to the conference at www.contemporaryrelationships.com. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

31 MINAPR 9
Comments
#30: TERRY REAL

#29: TONY & ROSS

"SOMETIMES COMMITMENT TRANSCENDS THE SELF" - Tony Shelton and Ross Smith from Houston, Texas, have been together 28 years. Have you ever heard of someone meeting their husband at the very first party after they come out? That's what happened to Ross! In this episode, Tony and Ross talk about how they met and what they've learned over the years about happiness and relationship longevity. They highlight the importance of staying calm during conflict, finding common interests, staying active, and creating a life with focus and purpose. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

28 MINAPR 1
Comments
#29: TONY & ROSS

#28: KAREN & JENA

"FROM UNREQUITED CRUSHES TO THE GIRL SCOUTS" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Jena Recer and Karen Phemister. Karen is a water quality scientist for the City of Austin and Jena is soap maker and a pet sitter. In fact, they were pet sitting when we spoke and you'll hear "Lil Bit", a teacup Chihuahua/Terrier mix in the background. Karen & Jena talk about being roommates at Texas State University, engaging in social activism instead of going to class, and meeting again 8 years later through a chance encounter. Jena and Karen have been leaders in the Girl Scouts for many years and they share the value of giving back to their community. Enjoy! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

27 MINMAR 20
Comments
#28: KAREN & JENA

#27: ANN & IRIS

"YODEL AND THEN DISMANTLE CLASSISM” - Ann Benson and Iris Harrell from Santa Rosa, California, met 40 years ago when Iris heard Ann sing and yodel at an all lesbian coffee house sponsored by the National Organization of Women. In this episode, they talk about coming out and getting together in the midst of the women's movement and how a 3-day workshop on dismantling classism has helped their relationship immensely over the years. They share how their emphasis on long-term orientation and commitment has helped them grow both individually and as a couple. Four decades is a long time and these two beautiful women have much to teach all of us. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

31 MINMAR 11
Comments
#27: ANN & IRIS

#26: JEFF LUTES

"EMPATHY, STRESS, AND POSITIVE ILLUSIONS" - Today Jeff shares some thoughts based on the work of Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist who ran people through a brain scanner and discovered three parts of the brain that get activated among those in happy long-term relationships. Jeff mixes a bit of neuroscience with personal stories and practical exercises to help listeners think about specific actions they can take immediately to begin improving their connections with others. Warning: It involves Knights and Swords! --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

16 MINMAR 5
Comments
#26: JEFF LUTES

#25: PAIGE & KATY

"ACADEMIC MEETS VIKING IN GROUP THERAPY" - Prior to coming out, Paige Schilt thought her interest in gender and sexual minorities was purely intellectual and academic. Katy Koonce, on the other hand, became quickly self-aware when a friend took her to a topless lesbian football game! Years later, they met in a psychotherapy group and fell in love after leaving the group. In this episode, they talk about how personal growth and couples therapy helped them communicate, manage conflict, and parent their teenage son. They've been together 18 years and have lots of wisdom to share with our listeners. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

29 MINFEB 20
Comments
#25: PAIGE & KATY

#24: DAVID & DANA

"I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU" - David Ferguson and Dana Hall met in church 18 years ago and went to dinner one stormy night after a congregant played matchmaker. They married in Iowa, and over the years learned the importance of saying "I love you" often - in person, on the phone, and by text. These two gentle souls have given so much of themselves to others, cared for dying loved ones, and grown closer through those experiences. In this episode, they inspire listeners to open themselves to love and not give up too easily. --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/jefflutes/support

30 MINFEB 12
Comments
#24: DAVID & DANA