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The Weekly Humorist Podcast

Weekly Humorist

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The Weekly Humorist Podcast

The Weekly Humorist Podcast

Weekly Humorist

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The Satire Magazine. The Standard In American Immaturity. Welcome to the Weekly Humorist Podcast! Featuring audio articles from the pages of the Weekly Humorist. Curated picks from the editors you are sure to enjoy. Great for the illiterate and/or lazy fans! Tell your friends. Visit online at weeklyhumorist.com

Latest Episodes

Episode Descriptions from Netflix’s All-New Real-Time Reality Show: Escape/Room

Two couples attempt to complete an escape room. While the timer counts down, they search for clues and make discoveries about themselves. We explore one hour of time in thirteen hours of gripping drama and revolutionary storytelling. Episode 1. Release of Liberation and Liability Synopsis: Newlyweds Greg and Lauren meet Chris and Emily for a fun night out. Chris, the recent victim of identity theft, still suffers from consumer anxiety. Meanwhile, Nicole, the eccentric store-owner, collects their waivers. But what is her end game? (47 m) Episode 2. 60 Minutes to Deliverance. Synopsis: A 7-minute video of the rules provides more questions than answers. We flash back to Chris and Emily’s fight that morning over changing the Wi-Fi password. Will this undermine their progress – before they even begin? (51 m) Episode 3. Effect and Cause. Synopsis: The first 5 minutes of the game are examined (and re-examined) from multiple perspectives…including those not involved. (49 m) Episode 4. $p...

6 MIN2019 JAN 1
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Episode Descriptions from Netflix’s All-New Real-Time Reality Show: Escape/Room

A Viewer’s Guide To World Cup Injuries

Injuries are a part of every sport. A hockey player might lose three or four teeth in a game, while never leaving the ice. In American football, 49ers defensive back Ronnie Lott once had part of his pinkie finger amputated so he could keep playing. But in soccer, sometimes it’s difficult to tell how serious the injury is. Or if there’s even an actual injury. With that in mind, here’s what to look for during the 2018 World Cup: Player Falls To Ground Holding His Ear. The player has just heard Nicky Jam and Will Smith’s World Cup anthem “Live It Up” played somewhere in the stadium. After ample time to check and recheck their ears for blood, the player will be able to resume game activities. If for some reason, Shakira’s “Waka Waka” has been mistakenly played, they may need to be stretchered off and get a squirt from a Gatorade bottle. Player Falls To Ground And Rolls Twice. The log roll injury display is a popular form of injury that will require the attention of the head ref...

4 MIN2018 JUN 14
Comments
A Viewer’s Guide To World Cup Injuries

TV Newscast from Bizarro World

Local TV evening six o’clock newscast INT. TV NEW DESK, LIGHTS, CAMERAS, CORDS. ANCHORS SITTING BEHIND DESK. BACKDROP OF CITYSCAPE BEHIND THEM WITH ‘ACTION NEWS’ LOGO. BRYCE ATWOOD Good evening, I’m Bryce Atwood… CHERYL ENGLISH And I’m Cheryl English… BOTH And this is the Channel 11 Six O’clock news. BRYCE ATWOOD Secret Security agents were on high alert this morning, when a very dirty and disheveled homeless woman staggered too close to the fence surrounding The White House, and began raving loudly and in a distressed fashion about something called “alternative facts”. She was subdued by agents, who were forced to use several full-powered taser guns in order to keep the woman calm. She was then heavily sedated, and taken to a local high security hospital for the criminally insane, where she will most likely spend the remainder of her days. CHERYL ENGLISH My goodness, that’s terrible! Well, in better news, President Sanders has declared every Wednesday to be Free Ice Cream Day. You don’t have to do anything, just sit at your home and wait for the free ice cream, which will be arriving shortly. Those of you who are lactose intolerant will receive a back rub and bag of peanut M&Ms. BRYCE ATWOOD He’s really something, isn’t he? On a sadder note, Presidential nominee Donald Trump is still missing, following his election loss eight months ago. Despondent over the results of the election, the former reality tv show host and purported worthless piece of crap sought solace in his travels to a relatively uninhabited island in the south pacific. According to reports of radio messages received by the Coast Guard, Trump and his family were kidnapped by a tribe of island dwellers, who as it turn out perform a wide variety of rituals involving urine. Trump convinced the tribe to set his family free, but decided to stay himself. The last reports we have received are that Trump was tossed down a volcano after attempting to become king of the island. CHERYL ENGLISH Aw, well isn’t that sad? In other news, folks can’t seem to stop talking about The Wall. BRYCE ATWOOD That’s right, Cheryl. President Sanders has decided to make several improvements to the already impressive Veterans’ Wall of Honor in McDonough, Georgia. Plans are already underway to add several canopies, as well as at least a dozen outdoor heat generators and food trucks that sell healthy but delicious snacks. CHERYL ENGLISH Wow! What a guy! I mean, holy smokes! Whoops, sorry Bryce! BRYCE ATWOOD That’s alright, Cheryl… I’m sure that our viewers are nodding their heads in agreement as they enjoy their complimentary ice cream. And hey, look! It’s Albert with the weather! ALBERT Hey guys, how’s it going? Well, as per usual, things are looking pretty good out there. Ever since steps have been taken to stem the tide of global warming, the weather just seems to get better and better. As with the rest of the country, it’s now 74 degrees, with clear blue skies and a light, pleasant breeze. Take that free ice cream outside, folks! CHERYL ENGLISH Thanks Albert! Another great report! BRYCE ATWOOD Okay folks, we’ll be right back with an update on that story about the NRA, who have decided to make some changes to their organization, moving from the National Rifle Association to National Recipe Authenticators. With gun laws more sound and reasonable than ever, the members of the NRA have decided to devote their time to ensure that the recipes that delight your family are as accurate, tasty and healthy as possible! See you back here in just a few minutes! Dramatic news closing music. End. LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE! http://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/6-oclock-news-v1.mp3

-1 s2018 JUN 4
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TV Newscast from Bizarro World

How to Get More Sleep

Keep In Sync With Your Body’s Sleep Cycle We know maintaining a proper sleep schedule can be tough. Life can often get in the way of a good night’s rest. Late nights at the office. An evening of pub trivia. Or maybe you just need to clutch onto every single precious moment you have to yourself, so you get stoned and watch The Office until two in the morning. Today is the perfect day to start a new you. Remember, discipline is the first milestone on the road to restfulness. Exercise During the Day Exercise can reduce stress levels, mitigate insomnia symptoms, and contribute to more restful shut-eye. Experts recommend twenty to thirty minutes of brisk, moderate cardiovascular activity every day, such as walking or jogging, and caution that five to ten minutes of quick, rhythmic exercises working mainly the right wrist are an ineffective substitute. We know, it’s been three months since Julie moved out, and yes, you probably shouldn’t have yelled at your parents on the phone like t...

5 MIN2018 MAY 25
Comments
How to Get More Sleep

Wedding Rejection Emails

Listen to this article! https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/WH-wedding-emails-HM.mp3 Dear Mary, I regret to inform you that I will be unable to move forward with attending your wedding this spring. Unfortunately, I receive a number of qualified applicants, and I have to choose wisely. I don’t usually give feedback, but in this case, the wedding you’ve submitted is not a culture fit for my social life because you’ve failed to provide information on whether or not there will be an open bar. Best of luck in your future endeavors, Ginny Dear Sarah, After careful consideration, I have to report that I’m unable to add your wedding to my social calendar. I have a 10% acceptance rate on wedding invitations, and unfortunately, another wedding that same weekend is a better fit. The wedding you’ve invited me to appears to be a green card marriage, and, while I want only the best for you, I’ve decided that a real marriage between two people who know each other is mor...

2 MIN2018 MAR 30
Comments
Wedding Rejection Emails

Weekly Humorist’s Guide To Hip, Hot Mid-Season Replacement TV Shows!

Listen to this article. https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/WH-ReplacementTVshows.mp3 Muff Divers Trinity andher gangget a tip on a sunken treasure of extremely valuable Ming Dynasty ear-muffs, and so it’s back in their diving suits for more deep sea adventures! Featuring special guest star and Don Knotts impersonator Felipe Gunderson. America’s Got Toe Lint From the creators of the inexplicably popular America’s Got Talent comes this sensational new program! Average, everyday shmoes take their promised fifteen minutes of fame and waste it by showing you, the viewer, their toe lint. The Bachelor is still on the air and very popular, so we’re pretty sure that you’ll watch this too. Hosted by a life-size, slightly rain-damagedcardboard cutout of Charo. To Catch A Predator (Formerly known as Entertainment Tonight) Your nightly guide to who’s molesting who in the glitzy, glamorous world of Tinseltown! Super Mendez Bros. Fun, exciting, brightly coloredanimated...

2 MIN2018 JAN 25
Comments
Weekly Humorist’s Guide To Hip, Hot Mid-Season Replacement TV Shows!

The Weekly Humorist Bookshelf

Listen to this article. https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/WH-Bookshelf-HM.mp3 What are we reading this week? Grandma, Why Does Your Laundry Hamper Smell Like Deviled Eggs? by Erma Bombeck Erma Bombeck was never one to allow the ravages of senility and dementia keep her from culling together a collection of humorous essays, or from going to Safeway while wearing only a diaper (a story included in this collection)! The Obama Sutra Allow our former president to guide you in the ways of smooth, presidential lovemaking, as only he can. I mean, clearly, right? ScarJo by Stephen King What happens when a hapless young tennis pro is trapped in her car by a deranged, rabid Scarlett Johansson? Don’t tell us, we’re too scared to look! The Pop-Up Book Of Erections That Lasted More Than Four Hours Interesting concept, but is this really something that we should be selling to our children? And certainly no reason this should have been a scratch n’ sniff book as well. Jih...

2 MIN2018 JAN 20
Comments
The Weekly Humorist Bookshelf

Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition

LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WH-YourBabyWeekByWeek-Meat.mp3 We think that getting weekly email updates about your pregnancy that compare the size of your fetus to various fruits and vegetables is pretty weird, so we’ve gone a different route–and it’s delectable. Here are some excerpts from our new email newsletter for expecting families, Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition. Week 6: Your baby is as big as crumb of taco beef. What a delicious miracle! Even though your baby is only about a quarter of an inch long, she’s already working on some of her most important features–eyes and ears, a circulatory system, and a tiny beating heart. But she is still tiny enough that she could fall out of the back of your taco. Week 10: Your baby is as big as a cocktail wiener. Have you ever seen such an adorable amuse bouche? At ten weeks, your baby is the size of a cocktail wiener and rapidly developing its vital organs, along with tiny details like fingernails and a fine fuzz of hair. As badly as you want to wrap him in a warm, flakey pastry blanket and take him home, there are still about 30 weeks left until you will welcome him into the world. Week 12: Your baby is as big as a meatball. At half an ounce and two inches long, your bundle of joy is now the size of a scrumptious meatball. Not as big as one of your Italian grandmother’s meatballs, but more like a chain restaurant meatball. This week, your baby has finished developing its kidneys and urinary tract and now urinates into the amniotic sack. But we’re not going to think about that, because that’s disgusting and inappropriate. Week 16: Your baby is as big as a respectably sized shrimp. In just a week, your baby has gone from being the size of a crappy shrimp that you get at in a Chinese buffet stir-fry to the size of a really nice, respectable, two-bite shrimp. We are talking about the kind of shrimp you get in a shrimp cocktail at a nice wedding. The kind that looks like a witch’s finger. Sadly, we’ve spent so much time talking about shrimp this week that we will have to skip the details about your baby’s development until next time. Week 21: Your baby is as big as a rib eye steak. Finally, your unborn baby is big enough to fully satisfy you at a meal, if he were a meat product. At 21 weeks, your baby is growing steadily and weighs as much as a tender, filling 12-ounce rib eye steak, give or take some grizzle. Your baby can also now kick and elbow you–is it a coincidence that it feels like indigestion? Week 27: Your baby is as big as a damn lobster. Twenty-seven weeks into your pregnancy, your bundle of joy is the size of a two-pound lobster, exoskeleton and all. You baby can now open and close her eyes, sleep, and even think, just like a damn lobster. Also like a damn lobster, your baby is now viable in the real world, if we do not steam it, dip it in melted butter, and eat it while wearing a bib depicting a baby. Week 35: Your baby is as big as a honey-baked ham. We could also say that your baby is now the size of a small watermelon, but that would be a bit strange and puzzling, wouldn’t it? Week 40: Your baby is as big as a turkey. Get out the carving knife and invite over your friends and family –you’ve made it to 40 weeks and your baby is the size of a juicy, golden-brown turkey! After nine months of growth, your baby is absolutely ready for this world, from his strong, meaty legs to his crispy, crispy wings. Did we say wings? Never mind about the wings. LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WH-YourBabyWeekByWeek-Meat.mp3

-1 s2017 APR 6
Comments
Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition
the END

Latest Episodes

Episode Descriptions from Netflix’s All-New Real-Time Reality Show: Escape/Room

Two couples attempt to complete an escape room. While the timer counts down, they search for clues and make discoveries about themselves. We explore one hour of time in thirteen hours of gripping drama and revolutionary storytelling. Episode 1. Release of Liberation and Liability Synopsis: Newlyweds Greg and Lauren meet Chris and Emily for a fun night out. Chris, the recent victim of identity theft, still suffers from consumer anxiety. Meanwhile, Nicole, the eccentric store-owner, collects their waivers. But what is her end game? (47 m) Episode 2. 60 Minutes to Deliverance. Synopsis: A 7-minute video of the rules provides more questions than answers. We flash back to Chris and Emily’s fight that morning over changing the Wi-Fi password. Will this undermine their progress – before they even begin? (51 m) Episode 3. Effect and Cause. Synopsis: The first 5 minutes of the game are examined (and re-examined) from multiple perspectives…including those not involved. (49 m) Episode 4. $p...

6 MIN2019 JAN 1
Comments
Episode Descriptions from Netflix’s All-New Real-Time Reality Show: Escape/Room

A Viewer’s Guide To World Cup Injuries

Injuries are a part of every sport. A hockey player might lose three or four teeth in a game, while never leaving the ice. In American football, 49ers defensive back Ronnie Lott once had part of his pinkie finger amputated so he could keep playing. But in soccer, sometimes it’s difficult to tell how serious the injury is. Or if there’s even an actual injury. With that in mind, here’s what to look for during the 2018 World Cup: Player Falls To Ground Holding His Ear. The player has just heard Nicky Jam and Will Smith’s World Cup anthem “Live It Up” played somewhere in the stadium. After ample time to check and recheck their ears for blood, the player will be able to resume game activities. If for some reason, Shakira’s “Waka Waka” has been mistakenly played, they may need to be stretchered off and get a squirt from a Gatorade bottle. Player Falls To Ground And Rolls Twice. The log roll injury display is a popular form of injury that will require the attention of the head ref...

4 MIN2018 JUN 14
Comments
A Viewer’s Guide To World Cup Injuries

TV Newscast from Bizarro World

Local TV evening six o’clock newscast INT. TV NEW DESK, LIGHTS, CAMERAS, CORDS. ANCHORS SITTING BEHIND DESK. BACKDROP OF CITYSCAPE BEHIND THEM WITH ‘ACTION NEWS’ LOGO. BRYCE ATWOOD Good evening, I’m Bryce Atwood… CHERYL ENGLISH And I’m Cheryl English… BOTH And this is the Channel 11 Six O’clock news. BRYCE ATWOOD Secret Security agents were on high alert this morning, when a very dirty and disheveled homeless woman staggered too close to the fence surrounding The White House, and began raving loudly and in a distressed fashion about something called “alternative facts”. She was subdued by agents, who were forced to use several full-powered taser guns in order to keep the woman calm. She was then heavily sedated, and taken to a local high security hospital for the criminally insane, where she will most likely spend the remainder of her days. CHERYL ENGLISH My goodness, that’s terrible! Well, in better news, President Sanders has declared every Wednesday to be Free Ice Cream Day. You don’t have to do anything, just sit at your home and wait for the free ice cream, which will be arriving shortly. Those of you who are lactose intolerant will receive a back rub and bag of peanut M&Ms. BRYCE ATWOOD He’s really something, isn’t he? On a sadder note, Presidential nominee Donald Trump is still missing, following his election loss eight months ago. Despondent over the results of the election, the former reality tv show host and purported worthless piece of crap sought solace in his travels to a relatively uninhabited island in the south pacific. According to reports of radio messages received by the Coast Guard, Trump and his family were kidnapped by a tribe of island dwellers, who as it turn out perform a wide variety of rituals involving urine. Trump convinced the tribe to set his family free, but decided to stay himself. The last reports we have received are that Trump was tossed down a volcano after attempting to become king of the island. CHERYL ENGLISH Aw, well isn’t that sad? In other news, folks can’t seem to stop talking about The Wall. BRYCE ATWOOD That’s right, Cheryl. President Sanders has decided to make several improvements to the already impressive Veterans’ Wall of Honor in McDonough, Georgia. Plans are already underway to add several canopies, as well as at least a dozen outdoor heat generators and food trucks that sell healthy but delicious snacks. CHERYL ENGLISH Wow! What a guy! I mean, holy smokes! Whoops, sorry Bryce! BRYCE ATWOOD That’s alright, Cheryl… I’m sure that our viewers are nodding their heads in agreement as they enjoy their complimentary ice cream. And hey, look! It’s Albert with the weather! ALBERT Hey guys, how’s it going? Well, as per usual, things are looking pretty good out there. Ever since steps have been taken to stem the tide of global warming, the weather just seems to get better and better. As with the rest of the country, it’s now 74 degrees, with clear blue skies and a light, pleasant breeze. Take that free ice cream outside, folks! CHERYL ENGLISH Thanks Albert! Another great report! BRYCE ATWOOD Okay folks, we’ll be right back with an update on that story about the NRA, who have decided to make some changes to their organization, moving from the National Rifle Association to National Recipe Authenticators. With gun laws more sound and reasonable than ever, the members of the NRA have decided to devote their time to ensure that the recipes that delight your family are as accurate, tasty and healthy as possible! See you back here in just a few minutes! Dramatic news closing music. End. LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE! http://weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/6-oclock-news-v1.mp3

-1 s2018 JUN 4
Comments
TV Newscast from Bizarro World

How to Get More Sleep

Keep In Sync With Your Body’s Sleep Cycle We know maintaining a proper sleep schedule can be tough. Life can often get in the way of a good night’s rest. Late nights at the office. An evening of pub trivia. Or maybe you just need to clutch onto every single precious moment you have to yourself, so you get stoned and watch The Office until two in the morning. Today is the perfect day to start a new you. Remember, discipline is the first milestone on the road to restfulness. Exercise During the Day Exercise can reduce stress levels, mitigate insomnia symptoms, and contribute to more restful shut-eye. Experts recommend twenty to thirty minutes of brisk, moderate cardiovascular activity every day, such as walking or jogging, and caution that five to ten minutes of quick, rhythmic exercises working mainly the right wrist are an ineffective substitute. We know, it’s been three months since Julie moved out, and yes, you probably shouldn’t have yelled at your parents on the phone like t...

5 MIN2018 MAY 25
Comments
How to Get More Sleep

Wedding Rejection Emails

Listen to this article! https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/WH-wedding-emails-HM.mp3 Dear Mary, I regret to inform you that I will be unable to move forward with attending your wedding this spring. Unfortunately, I receive a number of qualified applicants, and I have to choose wisely. I don’t usually give feedback, but in this case, the wedding you’ve submitted is not a culture fit for my social life because you’ve failed to provide information on whether or not there will be an open bar. Best of luck in your future endeavors, Ginny Dear Sarah, After careful consideration, I have to report that I’m unable to add your wedding to my social calendar. I have a 10% acceptance rate on wedding invitations, and unfortunately, another wedding that same weekend is a better fit. The wedding you’ve invited me to appears to be a green card marriage, and, while I want only the best for you, I’ve decided that a real marriage between two people who know each other is mor...

2 MIN2018 MAR 30
Comments
Wedding Rejection Emails

Weekly Humorist’s Guide To Hip, Hot Mid-Season Replacement TV Shows!

Listen to this article. https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/WH-ReplacementTVshows.mp3 Muff Divers Trinity andher gangget a tip on a sunken treasure of extremely valuable Ming Dynasty ear-muffs, and so it’s back in their diving suits for more deep sea adventures! Featuring special guest star and Don Knotts impersonator Felipe Gunderson. America’s Got Toe Lint From the creators of the inexplicably popular America’s Got Talent comes this sensational new program! Average, everyday shmoes take their promised fifteen minutes of fame and waste it by showing you, the viewer, their toe lint. The Bachelor is still on the air and very popular, so we’re pretty sure that you’ll watch this too. Hosted by a life-size, slightly rain-damagedcardboard cutout of Charo. To Catch A Predator (Formerly known as Entertainment Tonight) Your nightly guide to who’s molesting who in the glitzy, glamorous world of Tinseltown! Super Mendez Bros. Fun, exciting, brightly coloredanimated...

2 MIN2018 JAN 25
Comments
Weekly Humorist’s Guide To Hip, Hot Mid-Season Replacement TV Shows!

The Weekly Humorist Bookshelf

Listen to this article. https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/WH-Bookshelf-HM.mp3 What are we reading this week? Grandma, Why Does Your Laundry Hamper Smell Like Deviled Eggs? by Erma Bombeck Erma Bombeck was never one to allow the ravages of senility and dementia keep her from culling together a collection of humorous essays, or from going to Safeway while wearing only a diaper (a story included in this collection)! The Obama Sutra Allow our former president to guide you in the ways of smooth, presidential lovemaking, as only he can. I mean, clearly, right? ScarJo by Stephen King What happens when a hapless young tennis pro is trapped in her car by a deranged, rabid Scarlett Johansson? Don’t tell us, we’re too scared to look! The Pop-Up Book Of Erections That Lasted More Than Four Hours Interesting concept, but is this really something that we should be selling to our children? And certainly no reason this should have been a scratch n’ sniff book as well. Jih...

2 MIN2018 JAN 20
Comments
The Weekly Humorist Bookshelf

Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition

LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WH-YourBabyWeekByWeek-Meat.mp3 We think that getting weekly email updates about your pregnancy that compare the size of your fetus to various fruits and vegetables is pretty weird, so we’ve gone a different route–and it’s delectable. Here are some excerpts from our new email newsletter for expecting families, Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition. Week 6: Your baby is as big as crumb of taco beef. What a delicious miracle! Even though your baby is only about a quarter of an inch long, she’s already working on some of her most important features–eyes and ears, a circulatory system, and a tiny beating heart. But she is still tiny enough that she could fall out of the back of your taco. Week 10: Your baby is as big as a cocktail wiener. Have you ever seen such an adorable amuse bouche? At ten weeks, your baby is the size of a cocktail wiener and rapidly developing its vital organs, along with tiny details like fingernails and a fine fuzz of hair. As badly as you want to wrap him in a warm, flakey pastry blanket and take him home, there are still about 30 weeks left until you will welcome him into the world. Week 12: Your baby is as big as a meatball. At half an ounce and two inches long, your bundle of joy is now the size of a scrumptious meatball. Not as big as one of your Italian grandmother’s meatballs, but more like a chain restaurant meatball. This week, your baby has finished developing its kidneys and urinary tract and now urinates into the amniotic sack. But we’re not going to think about that, because that’s disgusting and inappropriate. Week 16: Your baby is as big as a respectably sized shrimp. In just a week, your baby has gone from being the size of a crappy shrimp that you get at in a Chinese buffet stir-fry to the size of a really nice, respectable, two-bite shrimp. We are talking about the kind of shrimp you get in a shrimp cocktail at a nice wedding. The kind that looks like a witch’s finger. Sadly, we’ve spent so much time talking about shrimp this week that we will have to skip the details about your baby’s development until next time. Week 21: Your baby is as big as a rib eye steak. Finally, your unborn baby is big enough to fully satisfy you at a meal, if he were a meat product. At 21 weeks, your baby is growing steadily and weighs as much as a tender, filling 12-ounce rib eye steak, give or take some grizzle. Your baby can also now kick and elbow you–is it a coincidence that it feels like indigestion? Week 27: Your baby is as big as a damn lobster. Twenty-seven weeks into your pregnancy, your bundle of joy is the size of a two-pound lobster, exoskeleton and all. You baby can now open and close her eyes, sleep, and even think, just like a damn lobster. Also like a damn lobster, your baby is now viable in the real world, if we do not steam it, dip it in melted butter, and eat it while wearing a bib depicting a baby. Week 35: Your baby is as big as a honey-baked ham. We could also say that your baby is now the size of a small watermelon, but that would be a bit strange and puzzling, wouldn’t it? Week 40: Your baby is as big as a turkey. Get out the carving knife and invite over your friends and family –you’ve made it to 40 weeks and your baby is the size of a juicy, golden-brown turkey! After nine months of growth, your baby is absolutely ready for this world, from his strong, meaty legs to his crispy, crispy wings. Did we say wings? Never mind about the wings. LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE https://www.weeklyhumorist.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WH-YourBabyWeekByWeek-Meat.mp3

-1 s2017 APR 6
Comments
Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition
the END
hmly
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