One of the questions that we are frequently asked at BTR is, "Is healing from betrayal trauma and domestic abuse even possible?" Yes, absolutely, yes. Andrea Hipps, author and guest on the BTR podcast, is here to share her incredible insight into how living in reality is key to beginning your journey to healing. Listen to the free BTR podcast and read the full transcript below for more. Live In Reality: He Is Who He Is There's a tremendous amount of grief involved in letting someone become the miserable mess that they are.Andrea Hipps, Author Many women in the BTR Group Sessions share their difficulty in accepting that the abuser in their life is choosing his behaviors. Societally, we make just about every excuse for abuse rather than holding abusers accountable. When you can live in reality - that this person is choosing to behave the way they do, and allow them to experience the consequences of their own behaviors, you are opening the doorway for your own healing to occur. Begin Healing When You Accept That Grooming Is Part of the Abuse Cycle [Grooming] is a manufactured fantasy, on purpose, that he created to keep her sort of in the fog of abuse. She's the good person. And she wants to see people in a good light and he has preyed on that and manufactured things and lied and deceived and manipulated using those grooming type words and situations. And it's really hard to just let go of that and know that it was never true. That's really hard.Anne Blythe, founder of BTR.ORG One of the most difficult aspects of reality to accept is that his "nice" times were part of the abuse cycle. Sometimes these periods of "good" behavior are referred to as: * Love bombing* The honeymoon period* Manipulative kindness* Hoovering Rather than living in a false reality that he's a nice person who sometimes slips into abusive behaviors, healing can happen when women accept that the "nice" times were simply an effective grooming mechanism to attempt to convince the victim and her support system that the abuser was a kind, loving person - in order to keep her in the relationship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qip_GcSyNg4 Live In Reality: Trust Patterns, Not Potential Power truly comes in aligning yourself with what is.Andrea Hipps, Author Many abusive men make promises to change. Often, they'll follow through on these promises for a period of time. This can lead victims to investing in the abuser's potential, rather than believing and making decisions based on the abuser's current patterns. As Andrea explains, personal power lies in aligning yourself with what is. Not what could be. Not what he promised he will be at some point. Not what clergy, therapists, parents, or others have told you can be. BTR Is Here For You At BTR, we know how difficult it is to live in reality when reality feels bleak. A strong support system is a must. Join the BTR Group Sessions today and find the community that you deserve as you begin your journey to healing. Full Transcript: Anne (00:00):Welcome to BTR. This is Anne.