6. Social Connections

Quality connections are critical for ourhappiness and our health. We need people in our lives love and a sense ofbelonging. Our basic human needs. And are included in Mazlow's originalhierarchy of needs. Many of us take this for granted and in stressful times,we've had more difficulty cultivating these connections, but.

[00:00:34] We must, why are socialconnections of basic human needs and how can you cultivate high qualityconnections at work? The fifth key of healthier living is social connections.One of our basic human needs is our sense of belonging or connection. Creatinghigh quality connections at work and at home where there's trust and you canvoice your thoughts and worries in a productive way is critical for your health.

[00:01:11] By building high qualityconnections, the workplace can be at its highest level of powerful outcomes.For example, in your product development process, business negotiation, or ameeting among colleagues. When you're creating high quality connections andtruly working with your teammates, everyone's wisdom is valued and utilized.

[00:01:38] What are some ways to increasehigh quality connections? One of the most important parts of this course isthis, this right here. You heard me talk about this briefly in the introductionof the course. It's the culture approach. I'd like to reintroduce the coachapproach to you now and put it into the context of relationships.

[00:02:04] It's a strategy that I use andshare with others to cultivate high quality connections at work and at home. Asyou know, I studied health coaching and health coach training courses for thepast 12 years and have gone through four separate trainings. I'm here to putall that together for you to help you coach yourself and be coach-like withothers in your endeavors, at work and at home.

[00:02:35] Because when you're beingcoached, like you're able to bring out your best self and to draw out the bestself of those around you. What is this coach approach? Let's review. C O a C Hcoach. It's a mnemonic. I love mnemonics. I got through medical school withmnemonics and I'm hoping this mnemonic resonates with you.

[00:02:59] C is for curiosity, O is foropenness. A is for appreciation. C is for compassion and H is for honesty in allour dealings. We want to come to the table with a coach approach. The firstthing is be curious, be curious about those around you. Be curious about theirideas. Be curious as to how your ideas can fit in and help everyone reachhigher ground.

[00:03:31] Be open, be nonjudgmental, cometo the table, willing to listen to everyone there. A appreciation appreciatethe value that every human being brings to the table. Appreciate and affirm anypositivity that comes out any movement forward, any great ideas, appreciate andaffirm those for those around you. The second, see compassion.

[00:04:03] We need to bring compassion withus for ourselves. And for those around us, self compassion is critical. We'renot perfect, nor is everyone around us. We all make mistakes. We're going totalk about this in our next key with growth mindset, but for now, let's hold onto the fact that we are all humans. We have difficulties each of us, and we canbe compassionate with ourselves.

[00:04:30] And those around us, try to walkin the other person's shoes. Before you make a comment about a statementsomeone else has made. Lastly is the age for honesty. We're not going to goanywhere. If we're not honest with ourselves and with others, this is how webuild trust. So if there's something difficult that needs to be said, you'regoing to need to say it, say it in a compassionate, open non-judgemental way.

[00:04:59] Why is it a good idea to bringthe coach approach to your collaborations at work and with others at home? Ifthere's a problem, what can you do to make things better before they get worse?Consider the ideas and values. We spoke about curiosity, openness,appreciation, compassion, and honesty. And how can you build strongercollaborations through embodying these five principles and practices?

[00:05:29] How can you adopt the coachapproach into your work and home? Adopting the coach approach in yourinteractions with colleagues and loved ones is one way to cultivate highquality connections. And as something can start this week, what is one or twoof the principles and practices in the coach approach, curiosity, openness,appreciation, compassion, and honesty that you would like to work more on.

[00:05:57] How will you bring theseprinciples and practices into your work or home life? I like to share with yousome practical tips and tricks about the coach approach. The first is bringinga learning mindset forward, but basically two ways of being one is a learningmindset. And one is a protective mindset.

[00:06:20] When we are in a learningmindset, we are open and we are more likely to reach higher ground. When we'rein a protective mindset, we're closed and we often stay at the level. Oractually we go down a level or two, as we feel a threat coming and we feel, wemust protect ourselves our idea, our identity, our value.

[00:06:45] So how do we stay in a learningmindset? Curiosity. Remaining constantly curious when someone says something toyou and you feel it may be an attack or may be judgmental. It may be unfair,maybe unwarranted. It may be incorrect instead of going right to the protectivemode and starting perhaps an argument.

[00:07:12] Try, try to stay in learningmode and follow that very first scene in the coach approach and be curious.Here's a line. I want you to remember what makes you say that? What makes yousay that? This is a question and it is my go-to question. Whenever I feel thisneed to protect. If someone attacks me in a way or I'm in a meeting and someonesays something that is controversial and perhaps negative.

[00:07:48] Questioning or argumentativewith something I have said, I simply get curious. I stay in learning mode and Iwonder what makes you say that? And this helps to clarify, because perhaps wethink someone's attacking when really they're not, and this will help level theground so that we can understand each other at a deeper level.

[00:08:14] And remember our role in theseinteractions is to reach higher ground for ourselves and everyone around us.That's what this way of being this coach approach is meant to do develop highquality connections so that we can enjoy bonds that are rich and deep, and alsohelp us be our best selves. Those around us be their best selves so that we canall reach higher ground and hopefully make the world a better place.

[00:08:42] Just one day at a time, onesmall act that I've time, this coach approach is something I have created andwritten about. It's in the lifestyle medicine handbook, as well as otherarticles that I have written. I want to share it with you during this audiocourse, because it is so powerful. It is my go-to and it has become the go-tofor many of my clients throughout the years, students throughout the years andcolleagues throughout the years.

[00:09:11] In fact, many times I will see aclient or colleague that has worked with me and they will say to me, Oh, I wasin this difficult meeting and suddenly your voice appeared in my ear. And itsaid, use the coach approach first, be curious, be open, be nonjudgmental,appreciate any goodness that you see, any beauty, any wisdom that you hear, becompassionate with yourself and those around you.

[00:09:40] And be honest. And then theysay, I can't tell you how many times I've already asked that question. Whatmakes you say that? As we learned in this fifth key on social connections, youmust cultivate high quality social connections. And in doing so, especially asa member of a team or leader of a group, you get the best out of everyone andyourself.

[00:10:04] You get better collaborationsand work products. One way to increase high quality connections is through thecoach approach, whether at home or at work, think about your relationships,which ones you can work to make better and stronger. So you can unlock yourfullest potential and bring out the best in everyone, around you.

[00:10:25] For high quality connections,the honesty is critical. And I'm talking about being honest with yourself andhonest with those around you, with your feelings. So in a high qualityconnection, there's a lot of positive interaction and celebration andcelebrating any small success helps develop high quality connections.

[00:10:47] There's also the need to expressdifficult emotions and in a high quality connection, one feels comfortable andsafe in doing so. When someone says something to you and you feel sad,disturbed, Instead of keeping that in and potentially judging the other personit's best to voice this discomfort. For example, when you said that I felt sad.

[00:11:16] I felt as if I was beingattacked, the tone that you used made me feel inferior. I feel like we need totalk a little bit more about this subject. Being able to find words for yourfeelings and expressing them is something critical for a high qualityconnection. We can't just sweep things under the rug when we're feeling upset.

[00:11:47] Or if we feel that someone isnot fully appreciating us, or if they've used language that makes us feeluncomfortable, inferior, judged, because there should be no shame, blame, orguilt in relationships at work at home, we don't shame blame or guilt peopleinto anything or about anything. The idea is to learn and grow.

[00:12:15] This brings up the concept ofdifficult conversations when we're not feeling comfortable, this can be due toinsecurity or anger. When there's anger, we really want to take a break andtake a pause and take a time out so that we can address these things. Whenwe're in a calm and peaceful state of mind ourselves.

[00:12:43] If we're feeling angry, it is asignal for a time out. It is a signal for us to move away from the situation,take some deep breaths, utilize our stress reduction techniques and come backwhen we have a calm, demeanor, and we feel as if our mind can take ininformation. There are times when we're so angry that the mind is in anamygdala flare.

[00:13:12] And in these situations, wedon't take in information very well. And the information we tend to share is,Hmm, how should I put it is information that we may regret later. So if there'sanger involved, it's a timeout. If there's deep hurt involved, it might alsorequire a timeout, meaning take some time away from the situation to come back.

[00:13:38] When you are able to askquestions. Clarifying questions that will help you to understand morethoroughly and to reach higher ground with the person in a high qualityconnection. You're able to do this easily.

[00:13:57] Not all connections you're goingto have in your life at home, or at work will be high quality connections. Youcan't have a high quality connection with absolutely every person in your life.High quality connections, take time and energy and focus. And there are somepeople with whom you will get along and simply get along is the best you can doat work.

[00:14:19] You need to get along in aproductive, collaborative way. If you're using the coach approach that will getyou there for our own wellbeing and health. We need to find people with whom wefeel deeply connected. We feel they're kindred spirits to us in a way. And whenwe are with these people, we take steps to create and cultivate a high qualityconnection.

[00:14:49] I'll see you next time for oursixth and final heat on growth mindset. What you just heard was the keys tohealthier living, unlocking your full potential, a Himalaya learning audiocourse. Be sure to check out all of the other exclusive courses in the Himalayaapp or on himalaya.com. .